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Trump Orders Prosthetic Intelligence

Prosthetic IntelligenceHeadline: Trump to Sign Executive Order Promoting Artificial Intelligence

Washington, February 11, 2019.

President Donald J. Trump responded to staff entreaties today by issuing an Executive Order to promote Artificial Intelligence.

Acknowledging the widely suspected Intelligence Deficit in Washington, particularly in the White House, Trump tweeted, “I will be the only president in history to have prosthetic brains!!”

Acknowledging the widely suspected Intelligence Deficit in Washington, particularly in the White House, Trump tweeted, “I will be the only president in history to have prosthetic brains!!”

Asked if it would require any special training to use the prosthetic intelligence, he replied, “Of course not, not for me!  I’ll just strap it on.  Being a brain, it will tell me what to do.  And it will be really comfortable: it will fit right into my cranium.  There’s plenty of room there.

“I would really, really like it if my prosthetic brain could turn me into my hero, Teddy Roosevelt,” he admitted.  “But without the sentimental conservationism.  And he really was quite a trust-buster.  I couldn’t do that.  But that Rough Rider image!  That’s what I want!”

It remained unclear whether Prosthetic Intelligence could really substitute for Native Intelligence.    Spokespersons for the Natively Intelligent said they might erect a solid Wall of resistance to protect themselves from Artificial, or Prosthetic, Intelligence.

This “New Nativism,” they remarked, “could have the ironic effect of blocking out anyone, such as the President, whose intelligence is artificial.  Native Intelligence built this country.  If we let Fake Brains in to take over, it would — well, we just can’t let that happen.”

John Peeler

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By John Peeler posted on February 11, 2019

DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed here are those of the individual contributor(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the LA Progressive, its publisher, editor or any of its other contributors.

About John Peeler

John Peeler is a retired professor of political science at Bucknell University, specializing in Latin American and international affairs. After growing up in Florida and Georgia, he moved north as a teenager, and began a lifelong leftward migration. He’s been writing primarily for LA Progressive since 2008. He continues to live in central Pennsylvania.

Comments

  1. Jerry N. Wesner says

    February 14, 2019 at 7:18 am

    Uh . . . this didn’t happen to be lifted from the New Yorker, did it?

    Reply

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