“It’s not the Hall of Universally Loved Missourians,” House Speaker Steven Tilley told the Kansas City Star in regard to the placement of the Rush Hudson Limbaugh III bust in the Missouri Capitol. “It’s the Hall of Famous Missourians.” And damned if Speaker Tilly didn’t assist in making this bronze bust happen by selflessly hosting a courageous golf tournament, then actually commissioning the large (really large) head. I mean, this head is so large it probably cost extra. But in the manner of small gov loveliness, this was at no taxpayer cost at all. Well, except for the video camera necessary for the protection of this particular work.
Of the 41 busts now occupying the Hall of Famous Missourians, only Rush has the honor of extra surveillance. But it’s not unnecessary government spending when it’s your guy- cognitive dissonance tells us that! And at least the money didn’t go for cotton candy, gay porn, and pastel colored condoms — they claimed that was actually what the Dems were requesting for Missouri fiscal budget, 2012. Anyway, for now the bust is safe from those who would do harm, like maybe spreading chia seed on his hair. The furor has pretty much died down in the local media, and many have simply forgotten about the new guy in the Hall.
But the controversy over the big head really hasn’t ended. The camera saw it all.
“If great books are wine and mine are water, then I’d have to say that fellow is peddling….well, I think he’s selling acid! We are all famous Missourians here,” said Samuel Clemens “maybe not everyone was born here like me, but we’ve all made our mark on this state. We are famous, though. Not infamous.”
“Now, now Sam, that’s no way to win friends and influence people.” Dale Carnegie whispered to the great author.
“But look at him” implored Ginger Rogers. “He mistook little Dred Scott over there for a Dominican boy, and he won’t leave him be!”
“Thank goodness those Viagra he keeps popping don’t do anything, him being just a really big head and all.” said Emmett Kelly, the Weary Willie Hobo Clown.
“I find it fascinating.” declared Marlin Perkins. “I’ll wait here by Miss Betty Grable, while Jim attempts to tranquillize and subdue Mr. Limbaugh.”
“Hey, that’s not fair!” Rush bellowed. “As I’ve said before, I love women. I don’t know where all this got started. I love the women’s movement — especially when walking behind it.”
“Like I never heard that one before.” Betty Grable sighed.
“Now, now, how can I be anti-woman? I even judged the Miss America pageant.”
“That’s actually true” offered up Bob Barker from his place at Stan Musial’s table.
“Well, think about me.” Josephine Baker interjected. “Hell, I’m black and a woman! He sure enough hates the likes of me. And I spent time in France!”
Rush growled at the mention of France, but brightened when talk of color was introduced. He would set them straight. “Once again, I don’t know why everyone thinks I hate the blacks. But then, I do know what the problem is with all of them. Again, as I’ve said before, they oughta change black history month to black progress month and start measuring it.”
“Did he really just say that?” asked Charlie Parker.
George Washingon Carver began to lament that he never invented a lethal peanut weapon. He would surely be using it now.
Edwin Hubble simply wished he could watch this horrid gathering from very, very far away. He created his own little redshift as he exited the mayhem, his bronze bust rolling on the floor.
John Ashcroft decided that even though he loved Rush like a brother, this room now merited at least an Orange, maybe even Red due to an abundance of caution.
Sacajawea moaned loudly. She could put up with a hell of a lot, but this was too much for her.
Harry Truman considered a nuclear option.
“We’re all stuck here. I suggest we make the best of it.” urged Walt Disney, as he hummed an obnoxious inspirational tune.
But Walter Cronkite offered this: “In a time of great division and failing Empire, our politicians continue to stoke hatreds and play to the lowest possible denominator. That may be the way it is, but it’s pretty fucking pathetic.”
Posted: Tuesday, 26 June 2012