Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in to see you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true
BREAKING NEWS: God wants the president of the United States to be impeached. How do I know that? Because Sarah Palin says so.
Sometimes I can’t believe my good fortune. I’m the kind of guy who loves a good train wreck – of the figurative variety, you understand. At a time when I’ve learned to live with the idea that my good fortune couldn’t possibly get any better, that this is as good as it is ever gonna get, Lady Luck blows another passionate kiss in my direction. It was proven to me this morning that Sarah Palin is contemplating a run for the presidency two years from now.
When asked point blank by Fox Noise’s Greta von Susteran if she was going to go for the big prize she coyly replied. “Never say never.” I realize that that’s not much of a statement of intent, but it’s all I have to go on. Oh, please, fate! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please!
Somebody pinch me.
But it gets worse (or “better” for my purposes): Our gal Sarah might even be contemplating running in a third party uprising. That’s right, kiddies! As she has been hinting in recent months, the Grand Old Party just isn’t extreme enough for this jabbering twit. She apparently wants to bring U.S. politics into Nazi territory. Isn’t that sweet? Do you think that’s an extreme take on where they’re heading? Consider the following quotation:
“I think we would be totally in the right to do it….Ignoring as a nation things that are worthy of death is very remiss.”
No, that wasn’t Herman Goering talking. That was some moron named Scott Esk, a candidate for the statehouse of Oklahoma (where the wind comes sweeping down the plain). He was advocating the execution of gays and lesbians. Nice.
Somebody cue the band:
I’ve written before about the day John McCain announced his choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate. The place was Dayton, Ohio. At that time the only thing I knew about her was that she was the governor of Alaska. I could not come up with a mental image of her in my mind; she was that unknown to me. The moment she stepped forward and opened her mouth, she reminded me of Sally Field. Not Sally Field as Norma Ray – Sally Field as Gidget.
I immediately went to the computer to get some information about her. The first thing that caught my eye was the date of her birth: February 11, 1964, a date I could clearly remember. That was the day that my maternal grandmother, Loretta Doran Clements, died unexpectedly in South Bend, Indiana. (ATTN FAB FOUR FANS: It was also the day the Beatles played their first concert in America).
But other than those two coincidences, there was nothing in her paper-thin biography that warranted any attention. It was clear to me that the Republican party was about to commit electoral suicide with a candidate who was clearly and pathetically out of her league. On the day John McCain announced his choice of running mate, I knew that Barack Obama would be the next president of the United States. It was a fairly easy call.
McCain wasn’t too keen on the idea of Sarah Palin on the ticket. His choice had been Joe Leiberman. A former Democrat and a Jew to boot? As conservative as old Joe obviously was, those two nasty little facts were enough to give “the base” a severe case of spastic apoplexy. Sarah was their gal. And she ended up hanging around John McCain’s neck throughout the duration of the campaign of 2008 like some half-witted albatross.
By “going rogue” as she did, she virtually destroyed the Senator’s lifelong ambition to serve as chief executive. But for Sarah Palin, John McCain would be sleeping in the Oval Office at this very moment. Can you imagine the torment the poor guy must live with each and every day? Oh, those damnable might-have-beens!
As I wrote way the heck back in 2010, when someone like Sarah Palin can make it as far as she has, it can mean only one thing and it’s not a particularly good sign. We are living in a culture that has been custom-tailored for idiots. When a person who can barely put two coherent sentences together without the aid of a state-of-the-art teleprompter becomes one of the best-selling non-fiction authors of the decade, that’s usually a pretty good indicator that society is spiraling downward at a fairly decent clip. Fasten your seat belts, kiddies!
This is too good to be true. Whether she seeks the nomination as a Republican or Tea Partier (DIRTY LITTLE SECRET: They’re now two separate parties) is beside the point. All that I know for certain is that 2016 is going to be the most mystically weird and wonderful campaign season in the history of this diseased land. For those of us who thrive on the gales of laughter provided to us by Sarah Palin and unintentional comedians like her, these are indeed sweet times to be alive.
Honestly, I never dreamed that my luck would get this good.