News Item: Scientists from 60 countries have just voted to change the way a kilogram is defined and measured, adopting a standard that would make the kilogram a mathematical function of Planck’s Constant, which is the most basic quantum of energy in the universe.
The Scene: The Oval Office.
The president has just had a 25-word summary (all single syllable words) of this news item read to him.
“Why do I need to know this? What does it have to do with me?
“Well, sir, the United States is a party to this international scientific agreement…”
“What? We’ve signed onto an international agreement that I didn’t know about? Whoever did this should be fired!”
“It’s very nonpolitical. It’s just about agreeing on how a kilogram is defined.”
“Kilogram? What do we have to do with kilograms? What IS a kilogram?
“It’s the international standard weight measurement. It’s 2.2 pounds.”
“Pounds. Now THAT’S a good American measure. Very nationalistic. I like that.”
“Yes, we do use pounds, but only Liberia and Myanmar are with us on that. Everybody else uses kilograms.”
“Send them some aid. We have to hold our ground here. Now tell me again who did this.”
They’re all out to get me. Now they’re conspiring with 60 other countries to impose the kilogram and deep-six the pound. It’s the GLOBALIST DEEP STATE!
“The National Institute of Standards and Technology.”
“Government scientists, right?”
“The Deep State again!”
“They’re all out to get me. Now they’re conspiring with 60 other countries to impose the kilogram and deep-six the pound. It’s the GLOBALIST DEEP STATE!”
“This really isn’t such a big deal sir. It’s very technical…”
“Well, I won’t stand for it! We’re pulling out of that agreement. We won’t recognize those so-called scientific ‘laws’. We’ll outlaw the kilogram and insist that anyone who deals with us must use pounds.”
“Why stop there? We got the pound from those slimy British. We’ll have our own, American-made measure. In fact, pounds are kind of heavy to carry around. The new American measure will weigh exactly nothing: zero. So people can carry around a lot of ‘em.
“Sir, there may be a few problems here…”
“Nonsense! I always know best. And larger and smaller measures can be multiples of the basic one.”
“The one that has zero weight?”
[dc]“A[/dc]nd what will you call it?”
“What else? The TRUMP!