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A Nurse’s Guide to the Apocalypse

Whether it’s zombies, climate change, nuclear winter,or an asteroid — here’s what a nurse needs to know about the apocalypse.

Climate Change

  • Tropical areas will be hit the hardest by climate change first.
  • Indonesia is expected to experience major weather pattern changes and rising water by the 2020′s.
  • By 2027 global temperatures will regularly be equivalent to the highest on record from 1860-2005.

Needed for the apocalypse:

  • Inhalers and asthma medication for decreased air quality.
  • Aid packs, IV’s, stomach pumps for increased food and water degradation.
  • Allergy meds for increased allergen levels.
  • Tubs of Ice for heat stroke.
  • Trauma kits for increasingly severe weather disasters.

Many climate refugees will live in horrible conditions:

  • 2008–20 million climate refugees.
  • 2050–200 million climate refugees.
  • Exacerbating medical conditions.

Asteroid

A collision as large as the one that wiped out the dinosaurs would definitely need nursing aid.

Collision that created the Chicxulub crater in Mexico 65 million years ago:
2 million times more powerful than a hydrogen bomb.
Causing:

  • Tsunamis
  • Ground Displacement
  • Seismic and volcanic activity
  • Wiping out 70% of life on Earth
  • (including all non-avian dinosaurs)
  • By baking dinosaurs to death within days from ejected material in the sky

Acid Rain

And then longer term cooling.

Nurse preparation:

  • Burn kits
  • Trauma Kits
  • Then hypothermia kits.

Nuclear Winter

  • A 10+ kiloton explosion sends small un-fissioned particles into the stratosphere.
  • For Comparison: Tsar Bomba, the largest hydrogen bomb ever made was 58 MEGATONS.
  • Or 5800 times larger than the 10 kiloton threshold.
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The radioactive dust then travels through the atmosphere.
Causing:

  • Nuclear Winter from blocked sunlight
  • Poisoning of food and water
  • Radiation poisoning for exposed humans.

Nurse Preparation:

  • Radiation Shields
  • Haz-Mat Suits
  • Chemo therapy equipment

Zombies

There are myriad types of Zombie attacks that could spell our doom…
And increase our need for nurses!

Types:

Slow Zombies–

  • Any human that dies after a slow zombie apocalypse is reanimated.
  • Zombie bites kill in a matter of days.
  • Characteristics:
  • Slow, silent, intelligent in an animal way.

Fast Zombies–
Characteristics:

  • Living but infected. Fast but weak.

Can be killed with:

  • Chest Wounds
  • Bleeding Out
  • Or the Infection itself

Hospitals will be prime targets for zombie expansion.

Needed tools:

  • Chainsaws
  • Scalpels
  • Restraints

As the end looms, it looks like we’re going to need some more nurses!