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Minnesotan Nightmare Ends, Job Openings Available for Right Wing Hate Headline Writers

Minnesota U.S. Senators Al Franken and Amy Klobuchar. (AP Photo /Craig Lassig)

Minnesota U.S. Senators Al Franken and Amy Klobuchar. (AP Photo /Craig Lassig)

Yesterday, Minnesota's senior Senator Amy Klobuchar won the over/under wager of before July 4th and the nearly 8-month-long nightmare for Minnesota’s voters came to an end. For 237 days, she served as Minnesota’s only Senator, handling the work of both since the battle to see who won the November 2008 election began with multiple recounts and court challenges. In a unanimous 5-0 ruling, the Minnesota Supreme Court declared Al Franken the winner, causing Norm Coleman to concede defeat and handing the Democrats their 60th US Senate seat.

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is expected to sign election certification papers today and Vice President Joe Biden will induct former comedian Al Franken when the Senate next week returns from its Independence Day weekend break as the Senate’s 100th member and Minnesota’s junior Senator, dontchaknow.

Right Wing ‘hate’ headline writers, already apoplectic for 237 days and screaming over the end of the world (because Obama is President, the Democrats control both houses of Congress and even though they are in a deep hole, they just can’t stop digging) are becoming less than irrelevant. And they now have a new target at whom to vent their rage!

The Party of “NO!” -- instead of licking their wounds from an historic defeat 8 months ago and trying to come up with a coherent strategy and plan -- just keep mouthing off. But no one is listening except the rabid 20% of their wing-nut base. So there is at least one emerging business with many job openings in this stagnant economy: Right Wing Hate Headline Writer!

Several times a day missives of hate, doom, and gloom arrive in the In-Box, Twitter or RSS feed: “Stop Obama’s radical take-over of the courts!,” “Obama: Letting people die is cost-efficient,” “Help stop government run healthcare!” All proclaim ‘the socialists are coming to take all your money away through taxes.’ Britain's current Labour Party electoral weakness, Obama’s 6-point drop in the opinion polls (gasp!), and the healthcare fight in the USA… have them frothing and running at the mouth.

With names like GOP USA, RedState, Order-Order, and USA Tea Parties, they are the print frontline in the ongoing social conservatives' war against the current ruling party. What broadcasters Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, Karl Rove, and Sean Hannity say, these dittoheads “writers” pick up along with input from conservative commentators as Dick Morris, Michelle Malkin, Charles Krauthammer, and Bill Bennett. Together, they're picking up the gauntlet and running down the field, regardless of whether or not they are headed in any direction or scoring “own goals.”

They only know one thing; keep it coming thick and strong no matter if it works or not, just make a name for yourself and be ridiculous. Watch now as they today will attack Al Franken as an “actor/comedian” and ignore that two of the party’s own, Ronald Reagan and former Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson had similar backgrounds. Thompson even acted while serving(!). Although watching the Eddie Murphy film "Trading Places" the other night, it was fun to see Al Franken and former Saturday Night Live writing partner Tom Davis playing bumbling baggage handlers with a gorilla in that classically funny movie.

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Now if you want to be a top GOP Hate Headline writer, you need to bring up your game to the highest level of mud. Take time to sharpen your pencil, hold your nose, breathe in, and sample work from the masters. These nuggets from the GOP USA e-mail team are a good place to start:

  • Alert: Bill to Ban One Million People from Gun Sales! (Heston fans and cold dead hands appeal).
  • Action Alert: Hands Off My Healthcare Decisions! (covers a multitude of objectives regarding the socialisation of healthcare).
  • Hate Crime Hearings Vow to Punish Pastors, Protect Paedophiles (God and perverts always a winning combination)
  • Stop Obama’s Radical Takeover of the Courts! (So mayn iterations this one still gains traction in the south)
  • Obama Catastrophe’s Coming Soon Warns Dick Morris Warns America (love it, the man who created Bill
  • Clinton’s campaign switched sides when he knew he could make more money now is the Repug guru!)

They do fulfil their purpose, they get me to read the opening of the article. Now I usually laugh until I realise that there are people out there consuming this vitriol and acting on it.

The rise in hate crimes, the shooting at the Holocaust museum, and the murder of Dr. Tiller all show how dangerous this kind of “free speech” rhetoric can be. How far must it go before someone on the right acts and says enough!


So, congratulations, Senator Franken! There is much hard work to be done. Hope you have your staff in place and are ready to hit the ground running. You lost almost 10% of your elected term in this fight. Time to play grind it out catch-up ball, sir.

Just ignore the headlines.

Denis Campbell

Denis Campbell publishes the e-magazine, where this article first appeared.