Dear Mr President,
Evidence is accumulating that it’s time for another check-up:
At a speech in Kansas City this month, you praised community organizations “right here in St Louis”, which caused John Kelly to say “See, I told you” to John Bolton, who replied “Duh”
- At a speech in Kansas City this month, you praised community organizations “right here in St Louis”, which caused John Kelly to say “See, I told you” to John Bolton, who replied “Duh”, and it had the unfortunate consequence of reminding people that last month you stood with officials of Paradise, California and lamented the devastation “right here in Pleasure”, which caused Mike Pence to whisper to Kellyanne Conway that you apparently associate Heaven with sustained sexual excitement – “just like Muslims do”.
- While you were in California (which I know is always upsetting), you said “And when you’re talking about an atmosphere, oceans are very small, and it [atmosphere?] blows over and it sails over. I mean, we take thousands of tons of garbage off our beaches all the time that comes over from Asia. It just flows right down the Pacific, it flows, and we say where does this come from? And it takes many people to start off with.” Which was so incomprehensible that it prompted John Kelly to say to Wilbur Ross, “See, I told you”, who replied “Huh?”, and which even stunned Sarah Sanders into silence because it sounds like you think the beer cans on the beach are carried by wind from China, rather than by car from Safeway – all because Asia has too many people. But at least you referred to “Asia” and not to “Asian shitholes” like you usually do.
- Finally, after tweeting to the nation that “We are very happy” with the Cohen and Manafort sentencing memos because they had “cleared” you of collusion, you told reporters that you hadn’t actually read them, which caused the reporters to speculate that the “We” meant that Ivanka had read them to you – “Just like she does with the bedtime stories” – and that lent credence to the rumor that you asked Sarah Sanders, “Who’s this ‘Individual-1′ I keep hearing about? He sounds like an asshole.”
Mr President, I urge you to go over to Walter Reed and get some help. People are worrying that you might start making irrational decisions that could precipitate foreign policy, budgetary, and personnel chaos.
Received by the White House at 12:01 AM EST, 21 December 2018