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Our Dear Leader, President Trumputin, has manufactured a world crisis by making what appear to be off-the-cuff remarks about North Korea, boasting that the U.S. will respond with "fire and fury and power like the world has never seen".

grabbing north korea

But yes, Mr. Trumputin, we have seen it before, 72 years ago on Wednesday, August 9, 1945, when we dropped the second atomic bomb on Nagasaki, Japan, after the lucky city of Kokura was clouded over and could not be seen by Bockscar, the B-29 carrying Fat Man to its target. Over 100,000 Japanese civilians (and some American prisoners of war) died that day and of radioactive poisoning in the following months.

The Hermit Kingdom

North Korea is a strange country. In the late 1990s, I was on a mountaintop overlooking the Demilitarized Zone between North and South Korea. On the north side of the zone, the North Koreans had erected Potemkin villages, facades of buildings designed to show how luxurious North Korea was for its starving citizens, with loudspeakers blaring North Korean propaganda into South Korea. Surreal.

He is truly an unguided missile, perhaps more unstable even than Kim Jong Un. We live in perilous times. I curse those disloyal Americans who put Trumputin into office every day.

In the late 1960s I served as a Navy JAG officer on Guam, an American territory in the South Pacific 2000 miles from North Korea. I had a SIOP-ESI clearance, the highest available, and had the opportunity to try a military court martial underwater on a nuclear submarine. Nuclear submarines are both attack submarines, like the ones in Tom Clancy's "The Hunt For Red October", and Polaris missile submarines, huge underwater ships each carrying eight Polaris missiles, each missile containing eight nuclear warheads, each warhead stronger than those atomic bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Larger and newer nuclear subs carry Poseidon and Trident missiles.

At the present time, I am confident that at least two of our missile-equipped nuclear submarines are stationed just off North Korean territory, capable of raining down over a hundred atomic bombs on North Korea on six minutes notice. However, in those six minutes, North Korea could launch its 10,000 artillery guns on Seoul, Korea and its 25 million or so citizens, including the 150,000 or so Americans living there. Millions would be killed in South Korea, even before North Korea would be turned, as Senator Ted Cruz stated last year, into "a glowing sandpile".

Is North Korea a global pariah, a totally isolated country, having only one friend in the world, China, who regard it as its troublesome "little brother"? Or is its youthful leader, Kim Jong Un, a calculating dictator bent on preserving his power by playing global politics to the brink to gain some advantage? We know that North Korea has been known to send its agents abroad to poison its enemies, kidnaps citizens of other countries and takes them back to North Korea, hacks into state banks in other countries and steals their money, and has successfully counterfeited American $100 bills (don't ever accept an American $100 bill dated 1996; it was most likely made in North Korea).

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Guam: "Where America's Day Begins"

Guam, where I served for almost two years, is a 30-mile by 10-mile island between Hawaii and the Philippines, with beautiful beaches, dense jungles and volcanic peaks like those in Tahiti. The U.S. seized Guam from Spain at the end of the Spanish-American War in 1898. It is populated by the Chamorro people, of Spanish and Polynesian descent, loyal Americans who had no choice in electing Trumputin as President, since they could not vote for or against him. Because Guam is on the other side of the International Date Line, the sun technically rises first in Guam, as they are 14 hours ahead of East Coast U.S.

Guam also has Anderson Air Force Base, from which B-52s bombed Vietnam into the Stone Age during the Vietnam War, and now are capable of flying over North Korea at a higher altitude than any missile can reach. The island also has a huge naval base at Apra Harbor that is one of the major American military ports in the Pacific Ocean.

North Korea has threatened to send its nuclear-tipped missiles to destroy Guam. Two points: 1. Does this represent the limit of North Korea's current ability to fire an intercontinental missile - 2000 miles? 2. Guam has a sophisticated Terminal High Altitude Area Defense (THAAD) missile defense system which should prevent any North Korean missile from reaching it. A missile, to be effective, must not only be able to have the distance required to hit its target, but it must also be able to reenter the atmosphere without burning up and then to explode when it reaches the target. There is no proof that North Korea has mastered this technology. Even if it has, there is a high likelihood that it will not be able to penetrate the THAAD defense system.

There is another possibility, however. Information has leaked out, confirmed by Trumputin Administration sources,that American satellite surveillance has revealed that North Korea has loaded cruise missiles onto naval vessels, to be sent out into the Pacific Ocean to target -- where? Guam? Japan? South Korea? Hawaii? Los Angeles? Stay tuned…

And there is always the possibility that "dirty bombs", small nuclear weapons, could be packed into suitcases and exploded in major urban centers in the U.S. and elsewhere.

"Loose Lips Sink Ships"

This World War II slogan applies today as well, as our Dear Leader has been known, in his short time at the helm of our Ship of State, to blab out classified information without thinking about the ramifications of doing so. He is truly an unguided missile, perhaps more unstable even than Kim Jong Un. We live in perilous times. I curse those disloyal Americans who put Trumputin into office every day.

Ted Vaill